Author: alyssmariev

Today is mine and Darren’s fourth wedding anniversary. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long. It feels like the day was just yesterday.

I’m trying to focus on the happy today. After all, it is the day Darren and I vowed to spend the rest of our lives together.

But this is also one of the last milestones I got to celebrate with my dad, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about him a lot today.

While weddings are about committing to a life partner, there is also a large part of them that is about honoring your parents—especially the father of the bride.

I always dreamed about the first moment he got to see me in my wedding dress; about walking arm-in-arm with him down the aisle, and dancing to Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle for the father/daughter dance.

As I was reflecting on that wonderful&perfect day four years ago, I remembered the Facebook post he wrote to mark the celebration.

It means the world to me that my dad loved my husband. I will forever cherish the memories we created together that special day.

I’m feeling a bit nostalgic today. Closing out my dad’s affairs is like re-starting the grieving process all over again. 

It’s especially hard, because today is also my parent’s wedding anniversary. My parents divorced years before my dad passed, but it’s still a date you mentally observe due to its significance. 

Even during their divorced years, my dad still sent my mom flowers every year for their anniversary. A lot of people think that’s weird. I won’t lie, I kinda thought it was too in the beginning.

It’s how my dad showed he cares though. He loved giving gifts. It was one of the things I loved most about him. Not because I got stuff, but because he was always so excited to give them.

My parent’s divorce was the first time I realized that most adults don’t have life figured out. It also taught me that sometimes love is complicated, but that doesn’t mean it has to be complicated in a bad way.

Hi there, 

I’m not sure if anyone still visits this site. But if you happen to come upon this post, welcome! My name is Alyssa. If you don’t know who I am Jerry’s daughter, 

It’s been almost 8 months since my dad passed, and I was recently awarded the legal rights to close out his estate. It’s been a long, tiring process. It’s relieving to finally have an end in site, though now I get to go through the grieving process all over again, so yay me! 

Since my dad passed, I’ve done a lot of thinking and soul searching about the meaning of life and our roles in this world. I have no good answers, and probably never will. 

Throughout this thinking, though, I’ve come to realize how much I value documenting life. I’ve always loved journaling and snapping pictures on my phone, but it’s taken on a new significance now that I‘ve realized those are the only tangible things we leave behind. 

So, I’ve decided to start blogging about my dad’s life. Sharing my memories and the things I love most about him. It’s partly a grief outlet, but it’s also more than that. It’s a way to ensure he lives on in our thoughts, and it’s a way to ensure my boys get to know about their grandfather as they get older. 

These memories and musings are from my perspective. You may not agree with my viewpoint, or I may misremember things and get a few details wrong. It won’t always be the best written. Many times, it will probably be super short. Sometimes I might post a lot, sometimes it may be months before I write again.

All that matters is that I have an outlet to organize these memories and keep my dad’s memory alive.

♥ Alyssa